adventures, blogging, body image, children, family, health, help, hospital, instagram, mental health, motherhood, mum blogger, mums, parenting, school, self love, Uncategorized, women, writing

Childhood Mental Wellbeing

maxresdefault

World Mental Health Day is a day for global mental health education, awareness and advocacy against social stigma. 

 

Well that sounds like a pretty important day to mark if you ask me. I spend a lot of my time on social media talking about my own experiences when it comes to my mental health. I do this to try and normalise mental health and do my little bit in reducing the stigma attached to it.

While that goes on what I also feel incredibly passionate about is childhood and adolescent wellbeing. Depression, anxiety and many other mental health battles are becoming more and more common amongst young people. 1 in 10 young people will be affected by mental health problems but unfortunately 70% of these won’t get the appropriate interventions. 

It’s become clear that mental wellbeing is just as important as physical health. Just last night I went to a talk about teenage anxiety and it was filled with great and simple advice to help our children. 

  • healthy eating 
  • Exercise
  • Good sleep
  • Less social media 
  • Less screen time
  • Turn off phone at night 
  • Keep hydrated 
  • Talk 

This all being said the government have promised changes and to increase the budget given to childhood mental health services because at the moment needs are not being met due to huge shortfalls in the system. The NHS is stretched and waiting times for initial interaction after a mental health referral from your GP is 18 weeks and even after that your child/ the child may not meet the criteria as only the most critical cases can be seen. This means we as adults whether it’s parents, friends, teachers, grandparents, family members etc, we need to help this younger generation. There are a huge number of websites out there which have great references.

Here are some great sources of support

  • Great site for young people and parents. It even has a parent hotline.

17855564_10154776281979915_4009552097716715860_o

https://youngminds.org.uk/ here

  • A brilliant page for young people to feel safe and can speak about their problems

43552521_1896998923719734_6649390280866791424_n

https://kooth.com/ here

  • Get some ideas and downloads for ways to cope. We have to help ourselves.

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk// here

  • A fantastic site for parenting advice. They also run handon workshops! We all need help and advice when it comes to parenting.

ministryofparenting

http://www.theministryofparenting.com/ here

Advertisements
children, family, help, motherhood, mums, parenting, Uncategorized, writing

Comparison Parenting

As women we are terrible for comparing ourselves to others, add to that becoming a mother and we become so much worse. We then compare ourselves, our parenting and (shock horror) our children.

It starts off when you become a first time mum talking to other mums because you want to get advice and bounce off each other, but as soon as you start to hit milestones (lifting head, rolling over, sitting up) then it is honestly impossible not to compare our own little babies with someone elses little bundle who somehow seems more advanced.
I remember going to a weigh in session with my eldest, I was sat next to another Mummy who was exhausted because her 9 month old kept running up the stairs when her back was turned. My jaw must have dropped, because my daughter would just sit and hadn’t ever come close to crawling, she hated tummy time and though strong on her legs, she just didn’t want to move. There was more chance her fluffy rabbit would run up the stairs.
I left the clinic and I found myself trying to justify it. It was probably because Anya was a little early or because she was a girl (not my normal feminist slant on life but I was desperate for an explanation) or, god forbid, was it because she wouldn’t breast feed????
Three months later, Anya was walking and those thoughts were a distant memory. (Also I have since had a 9 month old walker and it is in fact exhausting).

Sometimes my mind would go on a bender due to bragging mums (or proud mums may be a better way to define them), I remember an aquaintance once telling me her daughter had done a 35 piece jigsaw that morning (the kids were about 18 months old), I looked down at Tabitha (daughter number 2) as she was wrongly stabbing a wooden Melissa and Doug cockerel piece into the tractor hole of her farm puzzle and felt like I had failed her completely. Now looking back I realise that the mother who told me this probably wasn’t speaking the entire truth and if she was, well done for her little one because I am telling you Tabsy would have more likely eaten the 35 piece puzzle.

The comparing and worries don’t stop and when they start school it brings up a whole new pot of potential comparisons to make, the playground is the perfect place for proud parents to speak about their childs achievements, leaving mothers like me crumbling with self doubt. Whether it be which reading level your child is on, what part they got in the nativity or how many school awards they have had in assembly it just makes you compare (not always negativly, I must add). I feel very sorry for my eldest daughter, she is at secondary school now so had to have the full 7 years of my neurotic primary school sizing up.
Looking at all these differences I never blame/blamed my children, I blamed myself, I put it down to my bad genes or lack of my time with them. What’s abundantly clear to me now is that all this time I spent panicking about my failings were a complete waste, and if I am being truthful probably detrimental to my girls.

Kids are different and that is a fact. I have three daughters so it would be quite easy to compare them, but weirdly I don’t. I wouldn’t even consider it as they are completely different to each other and all have their own strengths and weaknesses, yet I constantly compared my daughters to random children.
I believe it is a natural thing to do but it needs to be something we should be aware of, not something that affects us. Yes, make note of what other children around you are doing as it can highlight you to real developmental and health problems (my youngest still walks on tiptoes and now is being referred to see a surgeon, I realised she should have grown out of it by seeing other kids her age walking flat footed, this is a positive comparison). What I have stopped doing is comparing abilities and seeing the difference as a problem but also to stop seeing it as result, yes be proud of our children accomplishments but be proud of them in their own right not because it is they are better than another.

My girls are my girls and they will reach these government implicated milestones when they are ready, they will also tick the schools boxes of academia when their brain allows but in the mean time they will flourish on everything else around them. My eldest daughter is academic, but not “sporty”, this may change or it may not (who cares), my second daughter will flip herself around the lounge in her leotard and has a flair for art, but she won’t sit on her own and read for love nor money. Lastly there is my third daughter who is 3, so I think that’s enough for her to get on with, isn’t it?

Love your kids, support them and help them fulfil their dreams, but from someone who knows, don’t keep them in a box of expectations because one of the most fabulous things about being a mum is knowing that your children have a glass ceiling to their potential and watching them on their journeys is magical, I can’t wait to see what is yet to come.

IMG_0825