This morning life came back to reality with a bump… 6.30am the alarm went off and downstairs I went with a toddler in my arms then made some coffee and toast for my husband and off he went to the first day of work for 2018.
Taking my coffee and heading to the sofa I flicked though Facebook, looking at people’s New Year snaps of clinking champagne glasses, beautiful homes and embraces so warm that it makes me question how two people I didn’t even know each other now appear to be BFFs. It then occurs to me I am bloody jealous of other people’s joy, and that is not a nice side of me. Social media is the worst for looking at other people’s lives and then comparing it to your life, at times it makes you grateful but if I am honest most of the time it makes me feel like I haven’t achieved enough and I’d even go as far as saying it makes me feel like I have failed.
I haven’t failed, I am married (to my second husband) and I have 3 daughters (from 2 past relationships), 4 step children and I live in a beautiful home in Essex. These are all great big ticks in life boxes but if I am truly honest I haven’t yet found myself. I don’t have a career or any idea of what I want to do/be/become. I have spent the past 12 years being a mummy and now Frankie is starting school this year it’s time for me to “find myself” and maybe just maybe become more than ‘just a Mum’. (Although I know that nothing will ever come close to being ‘just a mum’).
So as I have sat here and looked through people’s posed photos of happiness that have strangely made me question my life, I have made a decision that change has to happen. The truth is that I probably think/say this every year but the first step was to write it down (first blog done ✔️), and with the written word it now has to happen, right? Well no, but it’s a touch more likely.
So my initial plan is as follows
- Write a blog (writing is something I have always loved and hopefully is cathartic)
- Promote myself in a positive way, initially by promoting my blog (this is terrifying to me)
- Read more about spiritual enlightenment (along with writing I am hoping to help my awful sleep and busy head)
- Start something new (a business, a job, this blog)
And so with this blog I want to write about the highs and lows of being a mother, also the trials of trying to keep looking alright although year by year it’s getting tougher and finally follow my journey of finding myself in some way (see even saying it I am wishy washy). Here’s to an amazing 2018 and to being stronger, happier and healthier.<<<<<<